My End
by 1105-SecondsStandingStill
Summary: Fai sings alone in the quieted darkness, the words of his sweet ballad meaning more than anyone could ever know... AU(?), songfic/poetry, kind of.


a/n; Hello all. As promised, here is the first of my reuploads from my old account. To reiterate the setting of this one-shot, it is basically a half-fic, half-poetry attempt consisting of an alternate (or possibly non-alternate) Fai singing alone in a deserted (or possibly not deserted) mansion. I wrote this so that it would be deliberately unclear if the Fai in the fic is the Fai we know from the original Tsubasa, or if he's one from an alternate dimension (the fact that the lyrics of his song detail his life and journey with his friends in Tsubasa doesn't help), so that it could be left up to the reader to decide whether or not he's the 'real' Fai. Although, who knows if I pulled it off correctly. In any case, please review if you could - I am, after all, more poet than writer almost, and I would love to hear what you have to say about Fai's song. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy. :)

(P.S.; I am not a music person, but I have the tune of Fai's song clearly thought out, and thus next to every line there is a ~ or - to indicate tune. A ~ signifies a slow, lilting tune, the pitch slowly fluctuating from high to low to high and back again, whereas a - signifies a faster tune that gets straight to the point, the pitch barely changing at all. I hope this helps in envisioning the song, and that it makes some sort of sense - if not, just come up with your own tune and it'll be fine. ^^")

{~~[My End]~~}

Everything was quiet. Suffocatingly quiet.

The darkened room was devoid of light of any kind, its contents cold and lifeless. The fire that once burned in the hearth years before had long since extinguished itself, seeming to take all of the warmth and light from that place as it went. No one was there to rekindle it either, the mansion's residents having left or died long ago.

The mansion's furnishings appeared darker still in the night by the dust that had accumulated over the long and lifeless years. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if the mansion were of another color, but the dark shades of black and midnight blue only accentuated the pervading darkness. There was no light, no warmth, no life in this dark and dreary place, no signs of care or residence.

And yet, even in this dejected state of dust and spider webs and wear, it was easy to tell from just a glance that this had once been the grandest of all places, a mansion fit for a king.

From the walls of white marble to the magnificent blue-black furniture, from the scattered silver artifacts to the masterful hanging artwork, from the desks and shelves of mahogany to the carpet of fine blue thread, everything was luxurious. But even so, the grandeur of its earlier years were long since over.

Now there was only darkness.

Darkness, coldness, and lifelessness. And silence.

Silent but for one thing.

A rhythmic, almost hypnotic sound, small but very real, that broke through the darkness of the study. It repeated, over and over again, never breaking or skipping a beat. It was a soft _thmp_, repeated again and again, like an object against human skin. For that was exactly what it was.

The mansion was devoid of life. But he, as the dead, as if he were human, stayed here still, stark against the pale darkness of the night.

It was a boy.

By the grand tri-folded window and the dark blue drapes of fine cloth lay a love seat of blue-black coloring, soft throw pillows with black trimmings placed carefully next to each of the arms. And upon the loveseat, laying with his back against the right throw pillow and one leg dangling carelessly off the side, was the boy.

His skin was as pale as the moonlight that refused to reach through the window and provide even cold comfort. His wavy hair was as fine and golden as the sunlight that had died long ago upon the earth. His eyes were once the color of bright sapphire, yet now were dark as the furnishings around him.

Clothes the same color as his eyes covered him, intricately detailed and on par with their surroundings, seeming almost like a part of them their selves. His left leg dangled down from the loveseat while his right was placed insolently upon the left throw pillow, bent ever so slightly as his height prevented him from stretching out.

And yet his young and graceful features - he could be no more than twenty, at the most - belied his true age. He was a shadow, a simple shadow invading a place where life no longer prevailed. He was a shadow that disregarded the rules of life, rules that were never to be broken.

But his every action told of what was in his black heart; he cared not.

The rhythmic, hypnotic sound continued, the sound of an apple the boy had in his hand, which he tossed into the air. Tossed it, caught it, then tossed it again, and again, and again, the sound of apple hitting skin resonating throughout the quiet mansion. The bright red thing was the most prominent color in the entire house. And yet, it paled when it was placed next to the boy.

As he tossed the apple into the air once again, catching it without fail despite the utter darkness, a change within his monotonous routine occurred. Slowly, lovingly, he parted his soft pink lips, exhaling and then inhaling gently as the first notes of a dark melody began to form.

_"This is only the beginning of my end. ~__  
__A long, foolish journey is what lies ahead. ~_

_The sweet young maiden, the eager young man ~__  
__Search out her memories if you can. ~_

_For on this darkened path there are only lies and tears -__  
__Rejoice, for the beginning is where there is good cheer. -_

_How could I have known? This freedom, what it would cost ~__  
__Now I dream of slumber and of a life lost. ~_

_How can I set this right, this harm that I have done? ~__  
__My sin is my own darkness; I cannot see the sun. ~_

_Sleep until the morning and you'll see the light again -__  
__But for me that warmth and light spells out my wicked end. -_

_The nights are eternal, the sky a black frame ~__  
__But even that black darkness is covered with bright flames. ~_

_The moon is my companion, my friend, my diary -__  
__I tell her all my secrets just to set my lost heart free. -_

_But all these little pleasures do is remind me of what's gone ~__  
__Of a nightmare, of a story, of a mistake, a past wrong. ~_

_My soul remains a prisoner in this chamber I have made ~__  
__A room made of darkness and of a silver serenade. ~_

_A single barred teardrop lets in the full moon's light -__  
__A pale and freezing garish thing, a cruel and hurtful sight. -_

_That light is my companion, my jailer in this place -__  
__A cold and heartless soul I cannot hate or even trace. -_

_This shall be my home for all eternity and more ~__  
__A dark and weeping prison of myth and fabled lore. ~_

_But beyond that snowy moonlight, there's something I can see ~__  
__A small ray of sunlight, a smile meant for me. ~_

_It sears the night around me and diminishes the moon -__  
__Creates a sudden daylight and a sky that mimicks noon. -_

_But why does the sun shine upon a sinner such as me? -__  
__What have I ever done to deserve such kind mercy? -_

_My heart is made of darkness, my soul is made of sin ~__  
__And yet this feeling I now have inside burns me from within. ~_

_A warmth so undeserving yet so stubborn, so carefree -__  
__A person I had meant to hate now spends their days with me. -_

_This person I resented, this feeling that was hate ~__  
__Has become a love so strong and free, it irritates. ~_

_I had never meant to care for them, for them to be so dear -__  
__That this heart shall let in hope and love is exactly what I fear. -_

_This heart is made of darkness, this soul is made of sin -__  
__What kind of damage would be done if I would let them in? -_

_This warmth must never reach me, this sun must never shine ~__  
__This love that is forbidden, this kind__n__ess, so benign. ~_

_My heart can never feel this way, my soul can never cry -__  
__For even one small tear will cause me to defy -_

_This prison that has been my home for as long memory -__  
__A place that I have always come to, to seek out sanctity. -_

_These walls close around me as this darkness does enfold ~__  
__The warmth that I had come to love becomes a fire that is cold. ~_

_These feelings that I have for them, this light that spreads too far ~__  
__I can still destroy them before I know just what they are. ~_

_I am not allowed these friends, allowed to love or care ~__  
__The destruction close at hand for this hangs on the heavy air. ~_

_Therefore they cannot come too close, else their undeserved kindness -__  
__Will be swallowed by this heart of mine, this twisted, barred darkness. -_

_I must live within this darkness until it ends my time -__  
__Until the moon itself shall die, until I lose my mind. -_

_But I shall always know of the light that does await ~__  
__The cruel and ghastly tolling of the bell that governs fate. ~_

_Shall my heart be released, my soul absolved of sin? ~__  
__Or shall I rest eternally with the darkness I am in? ~_

_I patiently await that day, when I can rest at last ~__  
__My tears wash away my pain, my memories, my past. ~_

_But stray for just one moment outside of this place, -  
And you shall find that those around you..." -_

As he caught the apple once more, it was not tossed again. Instead he gripped it tightly, as if he were holding on to something he hated, or perhaps loved.

Without any warning but that grip, the apple was crushed within his palm, the force of it rendering the fruit into small fragments not fit for even a mouse. Juice streamed down the boy's gripped hand and arm, like blood flowing from a crushed head, the last particles of the apple left within his fist squishing into nothingness as he ground his fingernails into his palm. Scarlet soon mixed with the apple's clear lifeblood, staining his skin a sickly golden red.

Slowly, he turned his head toward the window, peering out into the blackened ever-night with midnight blue eyes that were as dark and malevolent as their namesake. A wicked smile played across his lips, sadistic, hated.

The smile of a shadow, a heartless being made of darkness. A lonely smile.

With a tortured grin, he whispered, dryly, the last line of his darkened melody, a melody that meant far more than anyone could ever know.

"...are memories you'll never erase."


End file.
